Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Randomize
