Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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