cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
