my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
