Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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