did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
