White coat. Heels.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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