he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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