All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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