Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
