Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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