The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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