I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
