i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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