I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
