i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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