I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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