I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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