I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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