Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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