You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
