My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
