At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
