been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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