I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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