Already got asked if we're dating
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
