i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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