Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
