At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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