She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
