I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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