I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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