I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
