My liver just broke up with me...
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
