The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
