I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
