I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm at about main and main street
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
