Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
