I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
