Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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