Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
