oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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