i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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