I accidentally had phone sex last night
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
