he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
