FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
