Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
