the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
