Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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