Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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