So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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