She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
dude. I can hear the air.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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