my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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