theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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