sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
