I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
COCAINE IS GR8
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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