I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
