new low.... made out with someone while peeing
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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