So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
