Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
