Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
