i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
