Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
