booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
