OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
