i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
