he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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