Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
