I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
